Request granted.

Hello readers. Recently I wrote a very controversial post... on Emeril. And in the true nature of comments, I was commented upon... and challenged.

"I think your blog starts off being offensive. I understand you saying what you do not like, but hate is a strong word. To tell you the truth I did not continue to read your blog after the first two lines. I personally love to watch Emeril Live. One of my favorite things he does is when he says "Bam" or "lets kick it up a notch". Even though this is a class assignment you never know who is going to be reading your blogs and it could rub some people the wrong way. Since you "hate" Emeril so much I would like to see you write a blog on why you hate him so much, and exactly what you feel is wrong with his show."

Okay then.

I hate Emeril for the exact reasons why you love him.

I hate how he has two catch phrases that state out loud what his "intent" for each ingredient is rather than justifying why he is adding it. "KICKING IT UP A NOTCH" is not nearly enough explanation for the use or a description of the taste of any addition.

"BAM" is just another phrase he can use so he isn't saying the former phrase every 30 seconds; rather, he can alternate so that he has at least a full minute of filler material for any two steps.

How else does he fill up his one hour show doing what most shows do in half that time?

An answer to that rhetorical question: a live band. That I hate. (I feel like I’m watching whatever comes out of Jay Leno’s toilet when Emeril banters with his band leader every episode.) Oh, and he uses a live audience to talk to and have filmed reactions to the dishes he cooks up. Wait… a live audience… a live band… FINALLY! I get it! Emeril LIVE!

Now that epiphany has passed, I’ll address my other concern that his recipe execution is not informative, just entertaining, while getting back to my original point. Emeril does not justify anything he does. He acts like everyone should know exactly why he is doing whatever he is doing at any given moment, hence “BAM!”. Alton Brown explains every myth and preconception related to every ingredient he adds and then explains the truth in scientific understanding of exactly why he is adding it. Alton Brown tells you what do to, how to do it, and most importantly why. He doesn’t just go, “BAM!” and toss it in and stir it around. He uses puppets. Top Chef also adds this element of deeper understanding of food when they have to, in professional culinary terms, completely justify why they did their food this way, why they chose these flavors, why they presented the dish this way, and why it tastes great or sucks in front of an entire board of chefs. I would looooove to see Emeril on Top Chef… as a contestant:

“So, Emeril, can you tell us why you chose to use such standard Italian flavors to make a pasta-based dish once again?” “Thank you, Chef. Well… for this dish I really wanted to KICK IT UP A NOTCH!” “Turn in your knives, Legasse.”

I hate Emeril because he doesn’t fulfill my curiosity in cooking. I hate Emeril because he is trying to entertain and show how cool it is to cook rather than really prove his methods and ingredients. I assume it tastes good and I would be willing to try some of his recipes. However, I hate his show because of the format it comes in. I think a lot of people agree, seeing as Emeril has been pushed around the Food Network lineup to where he never has new episodes announced because they can only be discovered every fifth Tuesday of each leap year.

Now I’ll address a much deeper concern that was made in your comment. You say that I never know when something I write is going to rub someone the wrong way. Honestly, I expected someone to be offended by a point that I would make in the course of writing this blog.

I did not expect it to be this one.

And yet when I read your entire reply, which is more courtesy than you extended towards me before commenting on how offensive my article was, I found a request to blog on exactly why I hate him so much and what is wrong with his show and, I must admit, I got pretty concerned about justifying myself. Yes, I know that my writing may rub some people the wrong way and you know what? You just helped me confirm exactly what I thought would happen if it came down to this: right now, typing this, I am having one of the best times writing that I have had in a long time. Blogging is free expression and it is all about writing what you feel and feeling what you write. And I don’t feel that I should censor myself because it is a class assignment. It’s still my blog. If I censor myself I’d just be doing it for the points.